A Preview of the Book
“May the Lord make
your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as
ours does for you. May he strengthen
your hearts so that you will be blameless and holy in the presence of our God
and Father when our Lord Jesus comes with all his holy ones.”
Colossians 3:12-13
Is
there Hope For Your Marriage?
I want to
offer you authentic hope based on real results. Many couples on the brink of
separation or divorce have pretty much given up hope for positive change to
occur in their marriage. If there is
even a little bit of motivation left within each marriage partner, you can
learn how to turn your marriage around, quickly.
May the God of hope fill you
with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
Learning and
applying specific relationship skills in a concentrated and focused structure
will begin to heal the rupture in your relationship and bring your marriage
back to life. Imagine being able to heal
and change your current marriage and have it become the marriage of your
dreams. Just think how you would feel about yourself and your spouse if you
could protect your children from unnecessarily having to cope with the trauma
of divorce!
Perhaps you
will consider holding off with the separation, divorce papers and attorneys for
at least a few days.
Whatever you do, work at it
with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.
Colossians
3:23
I hope that
reading this will give you enough direction, hope and motivation to seek a
licensed marriage therapist with expertise in The Imago Intensive Marriage
Program.
You are welcome to contact my office for a
complimentary consultation or a referral to a clinician with advanced training
in The
Imago Marriage Intensive Program.
Dr. Janet Greenwood: (916) 924-8255
We are laying a foundation of
solid rock when we build our individual lives and our homes on the values and
principles found in the time-honored wisdom of God’s Word.
365 Day
Brighteners to Warm Your Home
The Imago Marriage Intensive
In my
twenty-five years as a marriage counselor, it is more typical than not, that
couples come to my office in a marital crisis. If they are on the brink of
break-up, they are in no mood, and in no condition, to embark on a long course
of counseling. They need help now.
They need to make changes now.
It was
in response to this need for immediate relief that I developed The
Imago Marriage Intensive Program that I have successfully used with
hundreds of couples as a Marriage and Family Therapist. This concentrated,
intensive approach to working with couples, has been
compared to months or years of other therapy. Typically, the couple and
therapist work together for 5 hours in one day, followed very soon after by a
few two-hour sessions.
I have
found this method of working with couples to be far more effective in achieving
immediate, sustained, positive change than the more common practice of meeting
for a one-hour therapy session, on a weekly basis, over a long period of
time.
The
couple’s work is by no means complete after one intensive 5-hour session. However,
during that 5 hours, you learn key relationship
skills and are immediately able to effectively and consciously choose to change
destructive behaviors and begin healing your marriage. These new communication
and relationship skills will give you the tools, insights and structure to
immediately change the climate of your relationship. A significant, immediate shift that I
consistently see is the couple’s renewed feelings of hope that positive and
immediate change in their relationship is possible. Let me assure you, for the
majority of couples, hope for transforming your current marriage into the
marriage of your dreams is absolutely possible, realistic and can begin to
happen during the first 5-hour intensive session.
“Love is
not effortless. It requires mindful commitment to
behave in the best interest of your partner; to make daily deposits into the
emotional account of your beloved”
-Janet
Greenwood
Immediate,
Positive Change Is Necessary
I tell
couples at the beginning of our intensive session that profound, positive
change in your marriage in a day is not only possible, it is essential to
decide to turn the course of your relationship around immediately. Most of us resist change until our feet are
put to the fire, until the pain has become too intense to endure the climate of
the existing marriage any longer.
I will sprinkle clean water on
you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and
from all your idols. I will give you a
new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of
stone and give you a heart of flesh. And
I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to
keep my laws.
Ezekiel
36:25-27
The Chinese pictograph character for “crisis”
is comprised of two symbols, “danger” and “opportunity”. When our marriage
reaches a crisis point it opens up the opportunity, perhaps for the first time,
for rapid, life altering change to occur.
Crisis can be a wake-up call for couples to make necessary changes and
move toward a fresh start.
We
don’t ask someone with a life threatening injury to wait around for help. We take aggressive, life saving measures
immediately.
The Imago Marriage Intensive Program offers
immediate help if you want to bring your marriage back from the brink of
separation or divorce and/or want to quickly make changes in your marriage. A
marital crisis calls for drastic measures. This is not the time for group
therapy, a marriage seminar, or simply self-help. You need a licensed, very
experienced clinician with specialized
training in intensive couples counseling, who believes more in saving marriages
than in divorce.
Crisis
work is different from growth work with individuals or couples. Profound change must take place
quickly, and must be sustainable. That is the goal of The Imago Marriage Intensive
Program.
Deciding
to participate in the Program is a couple’s first bold step toward healing and
saving their marriage. After learning
structured communication techniques and intentional behaviors I usually advise
my clients facing the divorce dilemma, especially if there are children
involved, to commit to staying in the marriage and doing the relationship work
for a limited amount of time, 4-12 weeks.
After a short time it will become evident if their new, intentional
behaviors are creating desired change in their marriage. We are looking for
positive progress, not perfection.
I often
tell couples in my practice that a therapist is like training wheels. “You use the therapist until you both are up
and rolling, and feel confident”. Couples do not have to face these
relationship struggles alone. There is
help available.
Having
tried a variety of methods to help couples in crisis, I am completely convinced
that an intensive approach is the most effective way to begin to help couples
make necessary changes that will quickly shift their relationship on to a
positive track.
This
book outlines the intensive therapy process that I take couples through, and
presents a program of pre-therapy exercises that I suggest couples do in
advance of an intensive 5-hour couples session.
The 5-Hour
Intensive
If you
decide to put forth your best effort for just 5 more hours, you can better
determine if you and your spouse are able to make some of the key changes that
will lead to the healing and renewal of your marriage. You and your spouse have the potential to
achieve a monumental success by modeling tenacity and commitment to your
marriage. What a legacy of love to offer
your children!
Realistically,
you can't expect your loving feelings to magically and suddenly change before
behavior changes. If you decide to do
the work of healing your marriage and learning and practicing new skills, the
feelings of love, romance and pleasure will regenerate over time. When you
change the behavior, the feelings will follow. Making changes in a
troubled marriage is like planting a seed and watering it daily, keeping the
faith that it will blossom. Then the
little green stalk appears, and the blossoming continues as long as you
continue to nurture it.
[Jesus] replied, “…I tell you
the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the
mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
Matthew 17:20
There is no
great magic to making a relationship work.
It requires putting energy in the right direction to create the marriage
you both want. If you do the work, the
marriage works. It is not always so
easy, but it is that simple.
Put Your Energy Into The
Right Approach
Discouraged
couples often tell me they have tried counseling, seminars, groups, etc. over
the years and nothing has worked, so why try again? This is a little like trying a lot of the
wrong medicines on your sick child and saying, “Oh well, we know there is a
cure but we can't seem to locate the right medicine at the moment, so let’s
give up and let her die.” Hardly! If it were your sick child, you would
probably be tenacious and never give up until you found the right medicine.
It breaks my
heart to see couples, particularly parents, give up on their marriage before
getting the help that could make the difference. In so many cases, divorce can be or could
have been prevented with the right intervention. I wish that relationship skills were taught in
school, or that they were a required course before getting married or before
having children.
Every material goal, even if
it is met, will pass away. But the
heritage of children is timeless. Our
children are our messages to the future.
Billy Graham
Fortunately,
it is never too late for a new beginning.
I hope you will make the choice to use your current marital crisis as a
turning point for re-creating your marriage.
It truly is possible to bury the old marriage and negative ways of
relating to one another and start a fresh new marriage with your current
partner. The goal is not to "go
back to the old marriage". Most
likely, neither of you want what you have been experiencing for the past
several months or years. Why not go forward toward a better and different
relationship with each other and with your children?
A proven strategy for divorce intervention and
prevention is the focus of this book.
Even if for you or your spouse, it feels like just too little too late,
and one or both of you are not motivated enough to rethink divorce, certainly
five more hours is not too much to ask.
If this is
not possible for you at the moment, the only alternative may be to help
yourself and your children heal through the trauma of divorce with the most
love and care available. |